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Alexander F. Yuan / AP, file
A parent takes photos of her daughter playing the drums at a children's play area in a shopping mall in Beijing on Jan. 10.
BEIJING -- Parents throughout the world have been known to tell a white lie to cajole dinner into a fussy child or explain the pile of gifts that appears under the Christmas tree as if by magic.
According to a new study, Chinese parents rank among the biggest fibbers.
The study in the International Journal of Psychology titled “Instrumental lying by parents in the US and China” found that most respondents -- 84 percent of Americans and 98 percent of Chinese -- admitted that they lied to their children. Chinese parents, however, were far more likely to lie to force changes in behavior, it found.
“A larger proportion of the parents in China reported that they employed instrumental lietelling [sic] to promote behavioral compliance, and a larger proportion approved of this practice, as compared to the parents in the U.S.,” the authors said in the report.
The researchers from the University of San Diego, the University of Toronto and Zhejiang Normal University interviewed 114 American and 85 Chinese parents who had at least one child aged 3 years or older.
The participants were given a list of fibs and asked to report which ones they had told their children.
For example, 68 percent of Chinese respondents reported telling their children, “If you don’t follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I’m gone.” Only 18 percent of American respondents made similar claims.
Sixty-one percent of the Chinese parents said they would tell their children, “Finish all your food or you’ll grow up to be short.” Just 10 percent of American parents utilized that particular little white lie.
According to the study, Chinese parents surveyed told 15 out of the 16 “specific instrumental lies” at higher rates than American parents.
More news from China in NBC's Behind the Wall
The only exception was a false claim that there is no more candy in the house, which was reported by 57.5 percent of parents in the United States as compared with 42.9 percent of Chinese parents.
American parents reported using more of what the study calls comparison lies -- untrue statements intended to generate positive feeling or to promote fantasy characters.
Sixty percent of Americans said they would use the line, “That was beautiful piano playing,” even if they thought it sounded terrible. In contrast, 44 percent of Chinese declared they would lie in those circumstances.
The results could be interpreted to mean that Chinese parents are more comfortable lying in general, but the study’s authors said that Chinese parents “made more negative evaluations of children’s lies,” and expressed more negative views than their American counterparts on fibs about fantasy characters like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Indeed, 88 percent of American respondents said they had used the lie, “Santa Claus will come to deliver your present on Christmas Eve.”
The study suggested that the wide acceptance of parental lying among Chinese adults could be driven by a strong desire for social cohesiveness and an emphasis on respect and obedience, according to the authors.
In other words, lying can be an effective tool in socializing children.
Or as one Chinese parent put it, “When teaching children, it is okay to use well-intentioned lies. It can promote positive development and prevent your child from going astray.”
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Telling lies is far more prevalent in China in general, not just to children. As someone who lives in the PRC, I have surprised and saddened by the lack of honesty. Not only is lying something that is considered to have no consequence, it is often admired as long as the perp does not get caught. One of the many differences between the East and West.
I bet a lot of people would agree with this statement:
"As someone who lives in the USA, I have surprised and saddened by the lack of honesty. Not only is lying something that is considered to have no consequence, it is often admired as long as the perp does not get caught."
That must explain why China constantly lies to the USA.
Kind of hilarious. As of right now, wilsonarden11321 has posted three obvious advertising comments (and getting those comments deleted), that have nothing to do with this article... or do they? I can't say with any certainty what nationality wilsonarden belongs to, but it would be TOTALLY in line with what others are saying about the Chinese and their "win at any cost" way of doing things, if he/she was Chinese.
Follow the link to look at wilsonarden's profile if you want to see how he/she posts the exact same comment on every article they can.
I wouldn't generalize that the rest of the East is like China and accept lying if you can get away with it. Taiwan and Japan certainly don't support that kind of behavior from my living in those countries. But, I would tend to agree from the news articles about China recently that they are to be dealt with high suspicion. I'm a strong advocate in if it's Made in China and carries a warranty, return the item if it breaks before the warranty expiration....no matter how inexpensive the item is. It hurts the company dealing with China but they need to know that quality is a lie for Chinese manufactured goods.
Jeff Gandy - I agree w you to a certain extent. A. there are plenty of people in the US who believe lying "to have no consequence & it is often admired as long as the perp does not get caught." And there are plenty who lie regardless of the consequences.
B. You consider this attitude towards lying as "One of the many differences between the East and West." I have lived in Japan and lying is considered extremely dishonorable. Lying, stealing, and all unethical behavior is considered disgraceful. Ethics is taught and enforced along w the 3 Rs from Pre-K - 12th grade. The vast majority of pick pockets and thieves in Japan are foreigners.
PS yes, I have told the Santa Claus lie, the "great job" lie and exaggerated risk/benefit statements. But I would say my honesty w my kids has far, far outweighed the dishonesty. In reality, for their skill level or the length of time they'd been involved in the activity, they were doing great. She may not hit every note but she played & plays far better than most people.
I heard squinting your eyes while you're talking is a sign that you're not telling the truth. That being said, how in the hell do you tell if a Chinaman is lying or not?
Let's be clear here. Y'all in your posts here, as Americans, are bashing the Chinese because 98% of 'em admit to doing something that 84% of Americans admit they do? Isn't that kind of like a really active gang of thieves complaining that another gang pulls off even more robberies than they do?
I'm not defending the Chinese, but sometimes it's good to do just the slightest bit of introspection before putting up prejudicial posts on Newsvine bashing an entire people over something we all do ourselves.
Are sneak attacks also regarded as dishonorable?
"Are sneak attacks also regarded as dishonorable?"
Do remember that the attack on Pearl Harbor followed more than two years of Japanese forces invading various Asian countries. More than half of Americans surveyed at the time believed a war with Japan was imminent. Navy ships were stationed at Hawaii not because the entire US military was under the false illusion that the Japanese weren't coming and that it was okay to take a tropical vacation, but rather because they were trying to discourage Japanese aggression. Transcription difficulties is usually stated as the reason Japan's intended well timed attack to demoralize USA enough to not enter the war (seriously, which hare-brained person successfully promoted THAT as USA's reaction?) was instead turned into a sneak attack with post-fact declaration of war.
I for one can vouch that the Chinese are great liars. As an EBAY buyer I see all the sellers from China selling brand new reproductions as "antique". In fact if you look you will see perhaps that 99.9% of the sellers on Ebay from China are in fact liars. While they may consider it OK to tell a lie about a product, in the USA we call it fraud. We can perhaps go to 100% liar status if you go on Ebay to purchase a Louis Vitton handbag from a Chinese seller, as it will almost always be a lie and a fake.
I agree. Some countries, like China and Russia (dating back to the Soviet Union), have forced into their culture a lack of ethics by their population's need to do whatever possible to survive. The lack of morals shows in in a practical way in their virus writers, hackers, and phishers too.
On another note, this lie, "If you don't follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I'm gone," is appalling. Talk about scaring your kids.
It's an example of beleiving that the ends justify the means. In this case, the compliance of the children outweighs everything. Funny now how another of the leading headlines is "China Angrily Denies It's Behind Widespread Hacking". If the culture teaches no remorse for lying, how can you beleive anything they say?
Oh my goodness, many years ago we used to frequent the local flea market and there was a Chinese woman who owned a booth and sold gold jewelry. The jewelry was beautiful and she was a smart businesswoman, but if you wanted to return something without your receipt, she would suddenly "forget" how to speak English and only respond in her native tongue.
I have used some white lies from time to time with my daughter (Santa, Easter Bunny, there are no more cookies in the house) but on a whole I find this method of "I will deceive you into learning respect" quite disturbing. Teach your children respect by showing them respect.
I've taught my daughter about "stranger danger" and she understands that she needs to stay right next to me because we don't know strangers so we don't TRUST strangers. Is she afraid of being kidnapped by a stranger? Yes, and I think that is OK because we are, too. We saw no reason to lie to her as this is a real danger, however, we did not insult her intelligence by lying and instead educated her. She does not walk around looking over her shoulder for the kidnapper lurking right behind. She stays next to mommy and daddy because she understands that we love her more than anything in this world and we are the ones that are here to protect her and keep her safe. She also knows how to look for a police officer, security guard, or store employee at a cash register or with a store name tag if she ever does get lost. We not only used this as an educational tool, but taught her how to help herself in our absence.
I guess when you come from a country where you are only allowed one child, you resort to some pretty silly measures to make sure the one you got is the most perfect child in the world.
Where is this "deceive you into learning respect" aspect of the story? I believe the article says "promote behavioral compliance", which could mean a number of things, including "learning respect", "be nice to your sister", "don't swear", etc.
What do you think about Santa's "naughty or nice" lists? Ever use the lists to tell your kids to be nice and respectful?
Kevin C-752389- I agree that flat out saying that, "If you don't follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I'm gone," is appalling. It fosters insecurity as well as a host of other issues. But since there are people out there who are just looking for the opportunity to snatch someone's kid, kids do need to be educated in this area. More than just a few kids have avoided abduction because their parents made them aware and taught them skills to protect themselves. Last weeks news talked about an 8 yr old who saved himself and his younger cousin. One girl faked an asthma attack and escaped before a man could throw her in a van. With out parents warnings, these kids would be sad statistics.
Wouldn't the better liar, also be better at lying on the survey?
Do all the Chinese people dress their kids like Snow White. Why would you dress like Snow White to play the drums. Maybe their story is different. They lied to their kids.
I've heard that in some cultures, little girls and their parents are really obsessed with Disney princesses. You might be able to think of others besides China.
No way. American's are the biggest two faced lying bastards for sure. That is a proven fact!!!
Agree Warren, you are the smartest person who posts on the vine, bar none.
Warren, almost every one of your comments is vitriolic and hateful towards Americans. Certainly, America deserves to be criticized at times, as does any nation, but instead of using Newsvine to get constructive criticism across, you use it as a personal soapbox on which to stand to spout your childish rhetoric. Rather than having to dodge or "step" in the verbal cow flops that your comments constitute, I am adding you to my "ignore" list.
Warren,
Where can someone find out about this "proven fact"? what is your source?
Stonepipe2-Great seeing you this morning, hope you are doing great, love your insights as usual, and glad you continue to add such thoughtful comments to inspire so many here!
It is interesting to note, that this study only was done between parents and children, not between adults themselves. It also only involved China and the United States. One might also recall, even nature herself practices deception in brilliant, at times, stunning ways across a wide spectrum of life forms. As tools for capturing food, avoiding detection from predators, in help finding a mate and in providing protection for the next generation.
Although lying is considered a negative trait in this study, in some countries and religions, it doesn't eliminate other positive morals otherwise possible in societies.Whether China, the United States, England, Russia, or where ever. Just look at historical children's fairy tales or fables, which can teach important life lessons,imparting common sense or wisdom, essential principals to a well balanced life, though the manner of delivery is not based on truth.How many folks tell white lies, wishing to protect others feelings?
One should not ignore the lessons of history. Remember Hitler, Japan's Emperor, and across many other countries, to understand the vital role deception has played. Also used in preventing great evil from overtaking and causing the loss of much that was good. Just as deception has been used to trick the enemy as well. It can be a tool for both good or evil, depending on who uses it.But it really should not be turned to if at all possible, would be the wiser course.For truth has always been the most highly valued moral virtue.
All those who profess to be followers of truth, haters of deceit and lies, when eager and wishing to point fingers in condemnation towards any others for not living it, would do well to remember one thing.At least my experience when in the presence of such honest folks.
It seems only one who is perfect in being honest, is actually in any position to determine where others are, on the curve of honest in life.Even then, I suspect such would hesitate, understanding with great empathy, that task.These are such humble souls, who reflect inside knowing they have weaknesses which can't see all. Afraid something was overlooked, they might be wrong.Much better to give others a chance to change .So those wishing to condemn, pointing judgmental fingers and minds, believing themselves being the perfect role model, so that the rest may follow your shining character, please pray teach us how you have found the way.
Warren, are you lying again!!?
GM WDS, cold here. Back at ya!
What was the purpose / intent of this survey? From the onset the only potential hypothesis was that the average % of liars in both populations was or was not the same. What possible value could someone who spent money on this study have thought would be generate? Seems like a giant waste to me with only potential for negative feelings from two large nations.
rdollie,
Many studies are performed for the purpose of research, plain and simple. To understand the human condition in general, but because we are not privy to the entire document we can only make the assumption that it's focus is sociology. It isn't necessarily something that costs taxpayers money. It might even be a doctoral dissertation, which doesn't cost anyone any money necessarily, except the student.
I only remember that if I didn't eat I had to think of "all the starving children in China".....
My long lost sister, Hello!
@Jannie--- Now they're telling that to their kids about the US. I remember that. I told my mother to just send them those damn brussle sprouts if they're that hungry. LOL.
I was told to not leave the yard because the Gypsies would take me away. Don't know how many times I went outside our front gate and sat there, waiting.....
Same here Hans :)
And when I was little the gypsies traveled in those colorful wagons pulled by a horse......I was always disappointed when they did not show up.
In my house it was "Don't you know that there are kids starving in West Virginia who'll give anything for that chicken's foot." (Just joking - thanks G. Trudeau). My mom used to tell me how she had to go to school in China barefoot in the winter. When my dad heard that he laughed said that they lived near the tropics and "everybody went barefoot."
My mom always said the starving children were in Armenia? Did they move?
Mary, I too tried to donate my brussel sprouts to the starving children without any luck LOL
I grew up in the sixties so I heard about "all the starving children in Biafra" when I wouldn't eat. After 1970, when it went back to being part of Nigeria, I think my mom switched to China.
Most Asians take pride in their ability to lie successfully. To them, it is a value, rather than the sin that Christians believe it to be. Entire cultures from the Mediterranean to the Pacific, with some variations, are built on lying. They believe that they are better men / people if they are able to take advantage of others with lies.
You are absolutely far from the truth.
Unless you have examined all the other races, you cannot make an incorrect statement of the kind you just made.
Just look at even the several presidents of America who have publicly told outright lies.
They have not just shamed themselves, their spouses, families, parties and the country.
They have devastated their family life, devastated the economy, gone to war, just by their untruths.
This is just one example of how sweeping statements are far from the truth.
Human beings are driven by various motives all over the world.
Truth is not the monopoly of any race.
All cultures lie. Santa Claus is a lie. The Easter Bunny is a lie. The Tooth Fairy is a lie. Christians lie. Asians lie. People in general lie. Your statement, though, is not a lie, because it does not show that you are hiding anything, because it is ignorant. You cannot deceive when you don't know, and it is obvious that you do not know more than shallow stereotypes.
Not all "lies" are equal however, or made with the intent to harm. I enjoyed, as a child, the magic that came with tales from my parents and others of St. Nicholas, the Easter Bunny, and the Man in the Moon, and didn't feel that I had been lied to or betrayed when I learned that these were just stories. (Rather, I felt "superior" to my younger siblings who still believed in them!) Myth and related imagery are part of the human experience. We don't need them (or music, art and poetry) to survive, but they can enrich us.
I truly enjoy lying. Especially to beautiful women looking for a husband. I'm a rich widower, is the first lie I tell. They lie to gain get access to my riches they think I have. Even when I leave them, they keep the window of opportunity open because I leave a ray of hope with them. I find lying much more fullfilling than collecting stamps or other such nonsence.
Was your entire post a great big lie or are you really a giant jerk????
Chinese people lie to their children. The Chinese government lies to its citizens and the rest of the world. :) Not that I'm bashing the Chinese government. I live in the US and my politicians lie to me all the time. :)
I'm pretty sure the US and Chinese governments lie equally to their masses. All governments lie. The US government just has the hubris to think that it doesn't matter if they lie because the US citizenry is too complacent to even care about the lies the government tells. The US government lies and says it is following the US Constitution all the time, when everyone knows that is a bold-faced lie. The average US citizen is either too dumb or too apatheic to care.
Yes, both the U.S. and Chinese governments lie, but Americans (unlike their Chinese counterparts) can criticize their government, print and distribute all kinds of material, host internet web sites, choose which political party to belong to, elect their highest leaders, assemble to worship, etc. In China, an artist can be jailed for creating art that "threatens" the state, the state controls schools, the media and religion, and the state even blocks altogether, media sources that it "fears". But by all means, compare both governments equally and call Americans dumb and apathetic.
They grow up and claim : we do not hack into your computers, we do not steal your trade secrets and trademarks, we do not make 'fake' goods, we really care about international laws and we really like Tibetian People.
The world is running out of topics to talk sense. This is one such topic, which is absolute nonsense.
If only people spent time in reading, writing and doing research on real parenting topics.
We have come to create a world that is 75% fake, and then expect a genuine response from the world.
We create a make-believe world, far removed from reality, and rebuke those who tell the truth.
Finally, when children are launched on their own into the world, they are shocked, ill-adjusted and even rebellious.
Only, the very, very few lucky elite can really afford to live in the cocoon world of utopia falsely created.
Life is a mix of success and failure. Not everything one attempts does one succeed 100%.
The real success is in encouraging children to do their best, find their talents and attempt more and more.
Success is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.
Learning to accept failures and dips in life graciously and in the stride, is real life, and is in itself success.
Just as we are endowed with different physical gifts by birth, we are gifted different abilities.
We should, be able to create a happy life, live life meaningfully, contribute to make the world a better place.
That can happen only when we parent our children founded on reality.
Help them to accept others, sensitize them on acceptable behavior, and caution them on the consequences of their actions.
Every human life is valuable, no matter how poor, rich, high or low.
Let us stop faking it !
Beautifully stated! I applaud your prosaic wisdom.
I second that motion.
Children are just "adults in training". They deserve respect and they deserve the truth. You can lie to get them to "tow the line" or you can give them the truth and allow their minds to blossom from the knowledge.
How does one prepare a child for the real world when they do not teach the child about the real world?
Of course this kidnapping lie, for instance, will work. Instant gratification for mom and dad because the child is behaving in a socially acceptable way. What happens, though, if the child does wander off and can't find them? Instead of looking for a policeman he is terrified and expecting to be kidnapped because he was lied to instead of being taught how to protect himself.
The US is by far the best liar in the world. We are so good that most of our citizens believe our own lies.
I have no doubt the Chinese lie a lot, but I am more concerned about the lies here in my country.
I am scratching my head as to why the report say that when Chinese parents use these sentences they were lying, "“If you don’t follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I’m gone.” and “Finish all your food or you’ll grow up to be short."
Those words sound like things that Chinese parents really would believe in. There is a real fear of kidnapping in China and I am pretty sure that most parents believe if their kids ate right they will grow to their full potential. Parents do white lies all the time and Chinese ones are no exception, but those two particular things don't seem like lies to me.
I have seen kids here in the US cry when they found out that Santa wasn't the one who have been leaving them presents during Christmas. A parent told me recently her 3rd grader figured out the truth about Santa Claus asked her dejectedly, "Why do they make Santa up?"
I agree that these two sentences are kind of misleading. Did the researchers categorize them as lies to the parents being interviewed? Or do the researchers just ask them "do you say these things to your kids"?
I am Chinese descent, but I was born and raised in Southeast Asia, now living in US, and I do worry about kidnapping and I believe that kids should finish their food. Am I delusional because I believe in them?
I understand that while US is not a utopia, it is considered to be a safer place than where I was from. But with sensational news like child abductions, gun violence, etc., you are trying to keep your kids closer to you when you travel or in a crowded shopping mall. Now I don't say that exact same thing because I don't want to scare them, but I do seriously but maybe irrationally worry about their safety.
The other thing about finishing your food is -- are you telling me that kids shouldn't finish their food? How about the broccoli fib in US? Children need comprehensive nutrition to grow and be healthy. If they don't finish all their food, how can we expect them to get the necessary nutrition? Now I am not talking about over-stuffing them but finishing up their veggies.
Consider the statement "84 percent of Americans and 98 percent of Chinese -- admitted that they lied to their children", against the headline "Chinese parents bigger fibbers than American ones" as well as some of the comments here, you would think the difference between the two groups of parents are sensationally different (e.g. 50% vs. 90%). Again, good job, NBC News! For such an exciting headline. This is like "Attention: new studies find congressmen worse liars than lawyers". Now, of course (I don't want to get sued), they don't lie, they fib, and there is a difference.
I am not saying that Chinese parents are perfect, but every society has its own aspects of fibbers and decent people. I hope people reading this article and similar news or headlines, or people that deal with specific aspects of a larger population, do not come to categorize or stereotype the entire population based on those specific experiences (and from the rest of the comments, it seems people don't and I am glad). I am sure there must be some decent lawyers, congressmen, or Chinese parents out there somewhere.
Wow, this was a necessary study that was long overdue! To know that the Chinese parents lie more than American parents... amazing, just amazing! This is of international importance and I'm sure dignitaries from across the globe will be convening soon to discuss this most serious situation. A military base nearby went on high alert and have been flying F15s on sorties all night. Naval vessels have also been dispatched I'm hearing as well.
We need to completely divert our attention about wars, the national deficit, gun control and other matters as having secondary importance to this matter. Lying in China- this is an unprecedented international tragedy! More news to come- stay tuned!
In China, 'ethics' are hazy concept which will be pursued only when there is no monetary gain to upstage it.
China is the land of the hidden agenda, false friendships, the place where laws and even right and wrong don't matter when there is an agenda.
Everything in China has a false front on it: buildings, people, government.
The whole idea in business is to GET MONEY.
The whole idea in life is to fool people.
The whole idea in Government is to control everything at every level to "succeed".
I lived for many years as a foreigner but working right in society with Chinese. I know just exactly how sneaky they are at every level. If you believe anything different, you don't really know China.
flylowguy ... you are absolutely right on! I to am an expat and understand totally what you are saying. If anyone wishes to better understand the Chinese read Bo Yang's "The Ugly Chinaman". He pretty much lays it out there for you.
But I will say one thing, when a Chinese mother says, “If you don’t follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I’m gone.”, The mother is NOT telling a lie. Thousands of children are kidnapped from cities around China each month and sold to family's in the country side. The is real. No fabrication and more than good reason for a mother to be concerned.
HU-Tol Wat?
Yet they somehow knew about this article 48 hours before it was released.
Wow...what a news story......not.
"84 percent of Americans and 98 percent of Chinese -- admitted that they lied to their children."
So...
1) 84 percent is a lot.
2) There are probably times when it's morally justifiable to lie to your children.
This is hardly the place to go speculating about the relative morality of American and Chinese cultures.
Telling lies in China? No! Afghanistan, Iran, Syria, Russia, Egypt, Yemen, North Korea, Venezuela, Cuba and Detroit, yes. Certainly not in our dear, beloved friend China! (he said sarcastically)
From the article..."84 percent of Americans and 98 percent of Chinese -- admitted that they lied to their children."
How do you know they didn't lie to you??? Chinese parent to his/her children "no the Chinese Gov. is not hacking into US Gov. computers"
this is an Asians way of life....not just China, its all about saving face and looking good. ive worked with many Asians from Koreans to Chinese....they are terrible liars...The biggest ones are the ones who spend little time in the west. they don't realize that the it is a bit tougher to lie and get away with it here. The west has a larger group of people who are educated. and telling some one that you play golf and get a hole in one ever shot to this is the smog in the air is not that bad for you is not going to fool the west. Hate to say it but when an Asians that is not born and raised in the west you have to take what they say with a grain of salt.
Zheng He,
You are a woman's worst nightmare; and your actions destroy women's trust of other men. For shame. Get a reality check. Your actions are not excusable.
Truth will help children realize how they have made a mistake, if you take the time to explain it to them. Quit taking the easy way out; it eventually catches up to you and does not teach responsibility. Then your children no longer trust what you say, and you've taught them that it is okay to lie to others as well as to you. Not a good way to build a positiverelationship with your child or society. Even very young children can understand if you are willing to take the time to show them.
Anyone else notice the pattern that Americans lie more when it will make their kids feel good? I think that's a product of our whole "feel-good" philosophy of life these days than anything else.